You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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