she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
