Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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