We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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