Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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