we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think your dad took our porno
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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