Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
