We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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