so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
