hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she smelled like a LAN party
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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