Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
