i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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