A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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