Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
