You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
