puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
