my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
