I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
