The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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