I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
