i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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