we have officially lost it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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