Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
