Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
