i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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