you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
