I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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