I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
