3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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