I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
