I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she pinky promised me she was 18
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
