let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
