last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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