You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Screwed.edu
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
