it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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