do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
