I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
