is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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