Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
