Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize