There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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