I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
