My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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