the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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