im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
