Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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