You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
