"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
