I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
