she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
