i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
