i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
