I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
