Betty ford says i'm here all night
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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