Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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