Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
